My Cold Shower Routine Explained

So in my last post I explained how beginning a cold shower regimen has jump started my weight and body fat loss. I figured I would give an overview of what I have learned from my own research and experience. First the principle it works on is most easily explained by Michael Phelps.

As Tim Ferriss explains in The 4 Hour Body even rigorous training schedule that Phelps followed couldn’t have burned the 10 or 12 thousand calories a day he was eating.  The had to be another explanation to why he wasn’t gaining a ton of weight. The answer lied in thermodynamics. In order to keep his core body temperature from dropping while in the pool for that many hours his body had to burn calories. Simply maintaining that core temperature is enough to raise one’s metabolic rate fairly quickly. The detailed story, which involved a NASA scientist, is available in the book but that is the general premise.

So there are three options to take advantage of this metabolic boost:

  1. Ice Baths: filling the tub up with water and a bunch of ice until you’re laying totally submerged.
  2. Ice Pack: a large ice pack rested on the back of ones neck in the evening for 30 minutes.
  3. Cold Showers: 5 to 10 minutes of cold shower water running over you.

In a perfect world we’d all be using options number one. Unfortunately Mr. Ferriss reported seizure like shivering which didn’t sound like it was worth it. Option number 2 was very easy to do but I haven’t been seeing any real results from it. that left option three which isn’t as comfortable as the ice pack but definitely not giving me any seizures.

My typical shower consists of three minutes of a normal shower temperature for washing purposes and then a rapid change to an all cold shower for 5 minutes. During the cold phase I turn from facing away from the shower and then facing the shower every minute. I also make sure to wet my head and face a bunch of times. I also spray my legs, arms and under arms a couple times as well to make sure that my body is work as hard as possible to keep me warm. That is way being submerged is much more effective but this still does the trick.

Most people I tell about my cold showers say one of two things:

  1. I could never do that, I need my warm shower in the morning.
  2. That can’t work as well as you think it does, it is just a coincidence.

Well, I can’t really help number one except to say that it is just like jumping into a swimming pool. It is really cold at first and then you acclimate. If you are able to do that you can do this. In fact I feel much more refreshed and alert after the cold shower then I ever have from taking a warm one. The second one I can more easily refute. I have the data that shows diet and exercise being equal I lost more weight and body fat with the cold showers than I do without them.

I’ve seen many other people talk about skin, circulation and hair quality benefits for cold showers as well which if true really makes taking them a no brainer for most people.


It’s been a while…

So it’s been a really long time since my last post. Golf season came and I totally forgot about most anything else. This is pretty typical and I usually use this as an excuse to lay off the diet and exercise (other than walking with my golf bag). In my last post I mentioned that I was really frustrated by not being able to get below around 347 pounds and it did cause me to go off the rails on the diet and not exercise. This back slide had me back to around 355.

A friend asked to borrow my copy of the 4 Hour Body and it got me looking at the book again. I had been thinking about doing something different like changing my diet or doing other exercises but while I was looking at the book I got an idea. You might remember that I was using a cold pack at night in an attempt to do some low end cold therapy.  I hadn’t really noticed a difference when using the cold pack and always thought about doing the cold shower instead but thought it would be torture.

Being kinda desperate I went ahead and tried it out for the first time about a month ago. I setup my round timer that I use when exercising to give me 3 minutes and 30 seconds to have a warm shower and them time me for a 5 minute cold one. The initial change to cold sucked but after half a minute or so I felt like I could make it colder. I found that I acclimated in the same way that you do when jumping into a pool that isn’t heated. After a minute or so it was no big deal at all. Weight loss aside I can say that the cold showers have made me feel way better and enabled me to feel really refreshed in the morning. People have also commented that my hair and skin look nicer which I have also seen other people talk about after taking cold showers.

Now to talk about the weight loss benefit. I really believe that this switch to cold showers has jump started my metabolism. My last real update on this site had me at 348 pounds and 37% body fat. My current weight is 333.3 pounds with 34.6% body fat. My low weight was at the end of last week at 331 pounds but I had a higher body fat percentage.

I’m not gonna go into the theory behind cold therapy in this post but one of the main benefits is supposed to be losing body fat faster. I can say that even though I only started about 6 weeks ago at 36.2% body fat and 342.9 pounds I have seen a decrease of 1.6% in that time. This is way more than before I was doing the cold showers. I’ve only lost about 10 pounds of actual weight but almost half of that has been body fat. This will even further improve my metabolism and allow me to burn more calories even when I’m not active.

A little cold shower music in celebration:

Return of the Mac (N’ Cheese)

So missed last week because I took a hiatus from strictly being on the diet and didn’t weigh myself expecting an epic fail moment. So my first weigh in was last Friday, March 1 and I was pleasantly surprised with 345. That isn’t a monumental loss but not only did I not gain weight but I lost 2 pounds which was nice. I did work out pretty good and I always seem to lose weight the day after my bowling league.

I wasn’t completely off the rails and only had a couple of things I wasn’t supposed to have on my non cheat days. I did eat a carb filled Chinese buffet dinner on Friday that I thought would be my down fall but it wasn’t. I have also been forgetting the ice therapy for the most part but I’m going to try and get better at remembering.

I’m also getting a lot stronger. I’m now able to do two sets of 50 two handed swings with a 30 pound kettlebell. Not exactly a world record but a far cry from the three sets of 25 I could barely do with a 20 when I started. Golf season is right around the corner and I should be hitting balls this coming weekend. I’m excited to see how my fitness helps. I’m sure it will also be nice to have my stomach not get in the way and to see the ball when I’m putting without craning my neck.

Oh yea, and the Harlem Shake is fucking stupid…

This Must Be Some Giant Plateu

I can’t even believe I’m still at 347. I worked out hard this week and I ate pretty decent. I can say that I feel way better and that I really like how much stronger that I’ve gotten. I’m able to do the 75 kettlebell swings in just two sets now. One warm up of 25 and then 50 straight. I’m pretty sure that if I start out with another exercise I’d be able to just do the 75 straight with a 30 pound bell. The 45 pound bell is on the way and I can feel like less of a pussy.

I’ve been in this weight range now for way too fucking long and it is wearing on my resolve.  It was really hard not to just go way off the rails this weekend and I know it’s because even though I’m leaner and feel better that motherfucking scale isn’t moving at all. I also haven’t lost shit for body fat and stayed exactly the same there as well. FFFFUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!

I’m going to eat clean and work out harder. Not just so that I can maybe lose a couple more pounds from my massive ass but so that I can build more lean muscle for the golf season. I’m going to start adding more golf centric exercises and see how it will help me in my golf league that starts in April. Maybe I can be a little better than this bitch…

Fuck Me

It’s Friday and I’ve been weighing myself Friday, Saturday and Sunday each week just to see what the daily changes are for the last three days before my cheat day. So far all I do is feel like a fat pile of dog shit when I do it, but hey knowing is half the battle or some dumb fuck thing. I weigh in today at 347  so I’m basically in the same position as I was at this time last week. Hopefully I lose a couple pounds over the next two days and I won’t be a total failure.

Eating hasn’t been perfect by any stretch. On Monday I had a bun on my burger because all of the toppings were stuck to it when I got it. Wednesday I had 2 Whopper Juniors for lunch and another bun on a burger for dinner. Last night I had 2 small cookies and two small pieces of dark chocolate for Valentines day. Oh, I think I may have just answered my question as to why I haven’t gained any ground. I’m a fucking asshat.

On a brighter note I do feel much better. I was able to do my 75 kettlebell swings in 2 sets instead of three. I did 25 as a warm up and then did the other 50 straight. My goal for next week is to get through the 75 in one shot. I did a couple other exercises and will have my bigger more intense workout on Saturday as usual.

Here’s a preview of my cheat day if I don’t lose any more weight this week.

Starting and Stopping

So we have another disappointing week weight loss wise but there are some positives. On Super Bowl Sunday I weighed in at 348 lbs for no loss in weight but I have lost just under half a percent in body fat and this morning my shirt is noticeably too big. At some point I will get around to measuring myself so that I can be sure of this and quantify the result. Or maybe I won’t and you can all go fuck yourselves. We’ll see.

I ate well with the exception of Friday night where I had some of the awesome bread at Outback because I was so hungry I could have chewed my arm off. I don’t think it hurt me all that much. Also, I love my Fitbit. Once you understand that steps and floors are really just measurements of movement and not actual acts it really starts to make sense. I love games and subconsciously I have started to take the stairs more so that I can get my numbers up. I also love being able to track my sleep. I’m going to test the accuracy of this by sleeping without my apnea mask and see what the results are. It is definitely not a complete sleep study but I think that it is helpful to people who may be tired and don’t realize there is a problem.

So I wrote all that shit on Monday but got interrupted and haven’t gotten back to it until now. I weighed in yesterday (Wednesday) at 350 pounds so I’m hoping that this will be a good week. Work has kept me from doing my exercises but I’ll make sure to get a good one in on Saturday. I have to get off my ass more so I can stop this…

Happy Birthday POS

So today I turn 32. There really isn’t anything special about 32 except that I feel much better physically than when I turned 30. It makes me wish I could go back in time and tell the 26 year old me to knock that shit off. It probably wouldn’t have worked anyway. I imagine this is how Biff Tannen felt about that 1950’s version of himself.

Not eating that shit is a lot like a any other addiction. You can’t stop doing it until you actually want to. Then after you stop you wonder what the fuck you were thinking all that time. I’m still very overweight but I feel better everyday and that is honestly what really matters. That and I can see my dick without a fork lift.

Reading is Fundamental

After my rant about how shitty cheat days are I decided that I was going to go back and read that part of the 4 Hour Body again. It turns out that as usual Time Ferriss has already addressed this issue. He basically says that fat fucks like myself could gain up to 8 pounds by two days after the binge. He assures the reader that this weight will fall off (and then some) in just a few more days.

So that brings me to my Saturday weigh in. I chose Saturday this week because I was going out for my birthday that night and knew that I was going to eat pretty shitty and have a few beers (at least 5). Well wouldn’t you know it, I was just over 348. That means I lost 2 pounds from the previous weeks pre binge weight of 350. I weighed myself Sunday morning just to see what damage I did and it was at just over 351.

I didn’t go crazy on Sunday but I still didn’t weigh myself this morning. It’s mostly because I’m a fucking retard and forgot, but I don’t think that I’m going to do the Monday weigh in. It’s depressing as all fuck and doesn’t serve much of a purpose. If I’m down from Sunday to Sunday then I’ll be happy.

I also worked out on Saturday. I did 75 thirty pound kettlebell swings, 20 bridges and 10 bird dogs. Tim Ferriss calls them Flying Dogs but it seems that most people don’t use that term. When you look up the exercise you feel like an idiot and think you can do like a hundred of them. You can’t.

Here are my (somewhat) depressing current stats:

Weight: 348 pounds (-10 pounds)
Body Fat: 37% (no change)

I’ll close with a video that makes me feel better about myself…

Lazy Piece of Shit

So besides being a fat piece of shit I’m also lazy. While I have an amazing wife who is also a French trained chef I can barely warm up some shitty canned soup in a microwave. Because of this I tend to eat out. A lot.

I’ve heard countless fucktards tell me that in order to be healthy you have to make your own food and you can’t go out to eat. Total fucking horse shit. If you have half a brain and 23 chromosomes eating out won’t be a problem on the Slow Carb Diet.

I’ve been to Chilli’s and Applebees recently with no issues. For fucks sake you can order steak! Just add some mixed veggies or broccoli. Chilli’s even has black beans as a side. Chipotle and most other mexican joints are full of shit that is perfect.

Also, don’t be a cheap piece of shit. If it costs you a couple of bucks extra to order the healthy option just do it. It’s a lot cheaper than replacing your heart with a cows heart.

My point is that even this lazy piece of shit can stick to this diet and not really feel like I’m missing much. Besides feeling really shitty, getting headaches and slowly killing myself.

Oh and by the way. I love World Star Hip Hop.

Fuck Cheat Days!

2w9XXXqFFpulkrh8FunSChaZo1_500So once again it appears having a cheat day fucked me. I’m down to 350 on Sunday morning and today I’m at 357 after following the diet perfectly. To recap I’m supposed to eat anything I want as much as I want one day per week, in this case Sunday while watching epic football games. How the fuck do I gain seven pounds in two fucking days, one of which I eat perfectly fine. Jesus fucking Christ!!!!

So now I’m saying fuck it to cheat days. I might eat a little off the rails one day a week but I’m not going insane anymore. Maybe I’ll confine it to one meal. If you look at my weight from this week and last before gorging myself  I should be down about a cat and a half (15 pounds) of weight. Instead I’ve lost exactly one motherfucking pound in two weeks.

I’m also making my workout sessions longer. This isn’t necessarily to increase weight loss, though I hope it helps, it is because I like it and want to gain muscle. In losing my previous 50 pounds I was working out very intensely at least once a week for an hour. I’m going to try and get in three 30 minute sessions a week now.

Here are my depressing current stats:

Weight: 357 pounds (-1 pound)
Body Fat: 37% (first measurement)

I will leave you with the immortal words of @EpicBeastMode:

Men who use the term “cheat meal” or “cheat day” are fucking queer.